Perfect Blue
by Iridescent Hope
Summary: *completed* There are unexpected results to a letter written by X...
1. Default Chapter

AN: This story came to me through sudden inspiration. No, I haven't given up on Maverick, I'm actually halfway through the fifth chapter. I just need for the fourth chapter to finish being betaed. -_- I wrote this after watching a really good Anime psycho thriller called "Perfect Blue", which is where I got the title from. And I'm only partially insane. :-) Of course, most of you will think I'm lying after reading this.

Another thing, this is a ZeroX fic. But I will know whether you've read this story or not if you flame me right now. Believe me, I will know. I'm special like that. n_n 

Oh, yes. The movie did affect my writing style, but this fic is in no way based off of the movie. Okay, I'm done. No, wait! I don't own MegaMan X, or the movie Perfect Blue. There. Now I'm done.

__

Sometimes I wonder if you know what you've done to me. If you know what has happened to me. If you would even care. I guess you would. But you would hate me. Even if you knew the truth, you would still hate me. You wouldn't look at me the same. I would become something to scorn, to pity, to laugh at. So I can't tell you, let you know. I have to continue to hide my emotions. 

You've raped me, did you know that? Of course not. You don't know half the things you should. No, not physically raped me, though sometimes… never mind. But mentally. Emotionally. You've raped me there. And sometimes I wish you would go away, would leave me alone, would die. So I wouldn't feel this way anymore.

But I know that I don't truly want that. I can't. Not when I'm so in love with you. Heh. There, I said it. I'm in love with you. Do you believe it? No, you don't. I can see your face right now, your eyes wide open, mouth slightly parted while reading this. You don't believe a word I'm writing, a word that you've read. But you have to; it's the truth. The truth is cruel sometimes. 

But it's not everything you think. You don't know everything… you'll never know everything. 

When you died, I felt something inside of me die too. I felt so… empty. Like someone had carved part of me away. And anger replacing it. I was mad then, mad at Vile for killing you, at Sigma for starting this war, at you for dying, at myself for letting you die. I thought I would never see you again, that I would never be able to tell you how I feel. 

But when Dr. Cain told me that there was a chance to bring you back… it's impossible to describe how I felt then. I did everything I could to bring you back. I fought to find you. And when you appeared to help me with the fake, the emptiness just disappeared. 

Then Iris came… and to put it simply, I hated her when I first saw her. Little Miss Perfect, all sunshine and smiles… maybe I was a little happy when she died. I cared for you, though, and I knew that to you, she meant something. And that you had to kill her, of all people, must have destroyed you. 

After her, I knew I had no chance. Everytime I saw you, my love grew, but I couldn't tell you. It would hurt you too much, would hurt me. So I'm doing the only thing I can do now…

Goodbye Zero. I love you more then this letter could possibly ever tell you. I wish… but that doesn't matter now, does it?

MegaMan Yakasa Gamma X Light

Zero stared at the paper. Swallowing hard once, twice, he read it again to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. _X,_ he thought. _X… was in love with… me? _His hands began to tremble and, without meaning to, he ripped the paper. _No… this isn't true… someone wrote this as a joke!_

But he hadn't seen X all day. He hadn't really seen the other Hunter yesterday, either. Just a few moments in the morning. And then, X had seemed preoccupied. 

__

So I'm doing the only thing I can do now…

What did /that/ mean? Nervously, he shook his head. Taking a few deep breaths, he struggled to clear his head. _What does this mean? Where did X go?_

Alia. Alia would help him. After all, her office was one of X's favorite places to be. Zero had always assumed it was because X was in love with Alia. But now…

But now he couldn't think about things like that. He needed to see Alia and see her /now/.

The huntress's office was on the fourth floor, sector A5. Although she rarely went on actual mission, she was one hell of a spotter and had years of computer and robotic training. So of course she would get a larger-then-usual office in one of the A sectors. Which, of course, meant that she couldn't be anywhere /near/ Zero's first floor sector C2 office. 

So when Zero appeared in her doorway, he was panting like a dog and his eyes were wide, like he was some kind of scared horse. Alia raised an eyebrow. 

"Uh, hello, Zero. You look, well, different. There any reason you're here?"

In reply, he shoved a piece of paper in her face. Startled, she shoved her chair back slightly, but seeing that it wouldn't bite she gingerly took it from him. 

Her expression changed from puzzlement to shock then to alarm within a matter of moments. "Oh, no," she whispered, shaking her head. 

"Well, what the hell does it mean? What is he doing?" Zero slammed both of his hands onto her desk, palms down. "Come on, dammit!"

"X, he… He's probably running away." She shook her head. _Should I tell him? It's really up to X to, but…_

"RUNNING AWAY!" Zero roared. She covered her ears with her hands, thankful for the soundproof room. 

"Zero, please," she began.

"You know something I don't, don't you," he said, cutting her off. She didn't meet his gaze. "What is it? Why would X be running away? And what about his… he… me…"

"I… I have no right to talk to you about that," Alia said softly. "X made me promise not to tell you. He… he's not just running away, probably. Most likely. I think he's threatening to kill himself."

"Why?" His eyes widened. 

"Because of what he felt. He thinks, thought, you wouldn't understand."

"And I don't! X has been my best friend for how many years, how am I to guess that he was in love with me the entire time? And… I'm not saying I'm homophobic, but I'm not exactly happy knowing that a /guy/ is in love with me. And don't talk that way. X isn't dead!"

"You hope," she whispered, looking out the window. "I know X. You're right, I doubt he's killed himself yet. But he's planned this." She paused. _Should I tell him? It would help, but X should tell him. X should…_ "He's probably at the Ishibana River. He always liked to go there…" Her voice trailed off. "It's up to you."

Rain fell in heavy sheets, drowning everything. Drowning, such an easy way to go. Sink to the bottom, never come back up. Backing out now would be wrong. Everything would be ruined. Sink to the bottom. Never return, never hurt, never be hurt. Sink to the bottom. Sink…

The rain slammed into the pavement, making everything slick. Cursing slightly, Zero pulled the jacket up, covering his head. _Damn rain, making it harder to search._

His foot slipped on the ground and he went flying forward. His right knee connected with the sidewalk with a sickening crack, collapsing underneath him. He rolled forward and lay on the ground for a moment. Then, swearing loudly, he pulled himself up, pulling the matted hair away from his face. A thin trickle of red blood showed against his pant leg. 

_Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn! Does the world /not/ want me to find X right now?_

Perfect blue water. Too bad there wasn't a perfect blue sky. Then the perfect blue hunter could die with them. 

A small giggle escaped the thin lips. Perfect blue, perfect to sink in. Bye-bye world. 

Impaired by his knee, Zero limped along. Cars honked at him, and more then once one pulled up next him. But a snarl and the finger sent most of them running. 

Ishibana River. One of those wildlife preserves. It figured that X would spend most of his time there. He always did like things like that.

Does. He does like stuff like that. _I can't start thinking that way, not like Alia. X can't be dead! Even if he is gay, he still is my best friend. And…_

And what? Was there more to it that Zero didn't want to admit to himself? Shaking his head, he turned off the sidewalk to the path that would take him to the river. 

Water was cold. Water was always cold, but seemed colder right now. Too bad. Can't turn back. They wouldn't forgive, wouldn't forget. They would hate, would scorn, would pity, would laugh. And the water, perfect blue, was waiting. Why make it wait any longer? 

Taking a deep breath, the figure by the water's edge jumped. A piercing scream cut through the air.

By the time he reached the river, Zero's knee was killing him and the palms of his hands were beginning to burn. _Damn the sidewalk and everything related to it!_

When he got there, though, he saw something terrifying. X was there, like Alia had said. But he was standing by the river's edge. He didn't know that he was there. And then - 

X jumped. 

"NOO!" Without realizing it, he screamed. Panicked, he ran forward. _No X, you can't do this! Not now, not when I need you…_ Not pausing for a moment, he jumped in after him.

The cold water shocked his circuits for a moment, similar to the shock a human might experience. Blinking once, he spotted X's body, floating. He seemed to be unconscious. That wasn't a good sign.

Grabbing the smaller hunter's body by the waist, he pulled him out of the water. Shaking from the cold water, he laid X's body out on the ground.

_Holy Hell, what should I do now?_

Biting his lower lip, he thought back to the EMT training courses that every hunter had do go through. If someone was drowning, what did you do when you got them out of the water?

_CPR…Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation… oh damn…_

Mouth-to-mouth. With his best friend, a guy. Whom he had just found out was in love with him. 

Shrugging, Zero shook his head. _Oh well_, he thought. He couldn't let X die. 

Leaning over him, he paused a moment to look at X's face. And realized something.

However much this person looked like X, this person was /not/ X. 

This person was a female. 

Startled, he backed away. If this wasn't X, then where was he? Did he already jump? Had she gone in after him, and had he knocked her out?

Then why was she wearing X's clothes? Zero recognized the shirt; it was one he had given him a few years ago. The words "Leave me alone, I'm living happily ever after" were faded after much use, but it was the same one.

Pressing his lips together, he did the one thing he could think of: He slapped the girl to wake her.

The water had taken her away, just like it was supposed to. Everything was washed away, and for a few blessed moments there was nothing. 

Then there was a stinging pain on her cheek. Frowning, she clenched her eyes shut. Was someone trying to wake her up?

Whatever it was, the pain intensified. Opening her eyes, she was ready to give whoever was doing this a piece of her mind.

When she opened her eyes, though, she couldn't see anything. All she saw was a milky blackness. Suddenly frightened, she tried to stand. Her arms and legs wouldn't cooperate with her, though. She tried to swallow, but something was blocking her throat. She began to cough and choke.

Slapping the girl did wake her up. Unfortunately, after waking up, she began to have what seemed to be a seizure. "Oh shit," Zero muttered, grabbing her shoulders. "Breath! Damn!" Pumping his hands on her chest, he put his mouth over hers and forced air into her lung. Pumping down again, some water poured out of her mouth. Smiling slightly, he repeated the process, getting more liquid out of her lungs.

Something was pushing on her chest, making her breath out. She could feel water exiting her mouth, and something was pressing against her lips.

After a few minutes, she found she could breath normally again. Opening her eyes, she could also see. And she saw Zero leaning over her.

The girl blinked and stared at him. Zero became acutely aware of his position. Trying hard not to blush, he backed away and stood up. "Who are you?" he demanded. "And why are you wearing X's clothing?" The girl just blinked her hazel eyes at him. "What are you, a deaf-mute?"

"…I can understand you perfectly, Zero," she said softly. Her voice sounded familiar. 

"Then why won't… you recognize me?"

"You're only the most famous reploid. And of course I would know you! You know who I am!"

Zero stared at her. "… I know who you are?"

"You're one of the first people I ever really meet." 

_But it's not everything you think. You don't know everything… you'll never know everything_

"Who are you?"

__

"You know something I don't, don't you?"

"You weren't told?"

__

"I… I have no right to talk to you about that. X made me promise not to tell you."

"…X?"

The girl nodded. "No one ever told you I was really a girl, did they?"

Zero sat down next to her. "No, I can't say they did."

"So… when you read that letter…" X's face began to turn pink. "You… you thought a guy was writing that?"

"Well, you made it sound like you thought I thought you were a guy."

"Yeah, but I was hoping…"

Zero laughed, then sobered. "X… I don't understand…"

"…What?"

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

"Because I love you. And I didn't think you would understand."

"Do you really love me?"

There was no answer. Concerned, he turned his head. "X, if I" he started before he was cut off.

She gently kissed him, pushing her lips against his. Startled, he began to pull away, but her arms were already around him. After a few moments, his body relaxed. 

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but he became aware of time again when he felt her head against his chest. Looking down, he saw that X was now asleep, breathing softly. Smiling, he hugged her and looked up to the sky.

It had stopped raining, and winds had pushed the clouds away. Now, all there was was the glowing sun and the perfect blue sky.

Perfect blue.

"X…" he whispered, closing his eyes. "I love you too."

AN: Horrible, wasn't it? *snuggles Zero plushie* Anywho, I know there are a /lot/ of plot-holes in this. If you really want, I can fill them in. *glares at computer for not recognizing the word plot-hole and at the keyboard for not lighting up* XP grrr…. Tell me what you think! 


	2. The chapter two that shouldn't exist

AN: When I first wrote Perfect Blue, it was supposed to be a one-shot fic about one fourth of the size it became. Real short. Of course, I was an idiot and said I would write more if you wanted. I didn't think anyone would, so I thought "hey, what harm could there be in that?" I was wrong, so now I've under gone the task of thinking up Female X's past. *sigh* Which was not easy. Of course, after writing this chapter, I realize that there probably are still some unanswered question, which means I might have to make a chapter 3. Double sigh. -_- You careth not, don't you? On with the story…

This chapter is written differently then chapter one because of two reason: 1) I think this style portrays the emotions of the characters better, and 2) I just got back from Dance Marathon. I danced for 14 hours. I'm tired. Leave me alone. 

Do you know how draining it is to be constantly afraid that your best friend/crush is going to hate you? I mean, if the found out that you are madly in love with them? You feel so tired when you wake up in the morning, you can't concentrate on anything, and being in the same room with them is the equivalent of slow torture. And when you find out that they're in love with someone else, well, let's just say that suicide was considered then. Of course, I didn't kill myself then. If I had, I wouldn't be here, would I?

Anyways, that's not the point. The point is that I loved Zero, my best friend, and he didn't know. Not only did he not know, he thought I was a _guy._

Yikes. 

I would frequently talk to Alia about this. She really didn't know what I should do. "I've never quite experienced that, X." Well, duh. I don't think Alia went parading around as a guy for all of her life. She said that the best probably would be for me to tell Zero about everything. Or at least about me really being a girl. It did make sense, and I swear, I was going to tell him. 

But the Repliforce incident happened. And I couldn't tell him in the middle of a war. And then Iris died…

Which, I suppose, was the beginning of everything. I told myself that I couldn't talk to Zero about anything, because it would hurt him too much. In all reality I was probably afraid, and this was the perfect excuse. Everytime I saw him, I would be rather painfully reminded of what I felt, what he didn't know, and what I thought he could _never_ know. So I dug my death hole deeper and deeper without realizing it until I snapped. 

I wrote Zero a letter, telling him why I was leaving. I guess I kinda forgot to add in a little detail, that I was a girl, but the message got across anyway. 

After I wrote the letter, I spent an entire day in my apartment trying not to throw up. I really did not want to do this. I didn't want to die. Sure, I wouldn't suffer like I was, but I guess even when you're on the brink of death by your own choice, you still want to live. It took a while, but I finally decided to go through with it. I dropped the note off and left for Ishibana River. It's a really nice wildlife preserve, one of the few left in Tokyo. 

I guess I probably stood at the river's edge for an hour or so, just staring at it. Zero had a mission today, and even if he managed to get back early, he probably wouldn't find the note. I put it in the one place he never looks: his desk. So I figured I had plenty of time to kill myself. 

The Ishibana River was known for being a drowning hazard. Even though it looks calm, under the surface of the water are strong eddies that pull you under real fast. Add to that the weight of a Reploids body, and you have one of the best death traps ever. 

All these different thoughts kept on going through my head: I could go back now and destroy the letter, I could just run away, I could even just go back to Hunter Base and talk to Zero. But I really knew I couldn't. Or maybe I thought I knew, I don't know. I now know that I _should_ have gone back, but I'm a baka. 

Zero surprised me, he really did. Not only did he get back early and find the letter; he knew where to go. Well, Alia told him, but you gotta give him credit for knowing to ask Alia. Not only that, even though he thought I was, well, not straight, he still was worried about me. I don't have anything against gay people; I'm a girl, and for some strange reason well all seem drawn to them. But that's not the point! The point is that he came after me! And he risked his own life trying to save my scrawny little ass. Dear lord, even if I had died, if Zero had died saving me, I would never be able to forgive myself. 

So he brought me back to the land of the living. And I found out that he did think I was a guy. Well, I had expected that, but it was sorta embarrassing. I never want to do that again. 

Have you ever read one of those corny romance stories were the romance is only in a couple sentences? Like, the guy is running after the girl, and the girl says "I love you" and they kiss and it's fin? Well, corny romance story meet real life then. He asked me why I killed myself, or why I tried, and then if I really loved him. I didn't answer. How could you answer a question like that? "Oh yes Zero, I do truly love you, like I have since I first saw you." WRONG! Sorry, wrong answer. You are the weakest link, goodbye. I couldn't say anything. So I did something else: I kissed him. And then I did another brilliant thing: I fell asleep. Yes folks, if you're reading this, I tell you no lie. I fell asleep right there and then, just like the baka I am. 

Zero was nice enough and didn't say anything. Actually, after waking me and stating clearly that under no circumstances was he carrying back to my apartment, he really didn't say anything. He limped the entire way back to Headquarters; I wonder what he hurt himself on?

So now I'm back here, writing my little brain away. I guess that's all the important crap that should be 'documented' for now. _Je na_. 

With a sigh, X snapped her diary shut. Her body begged to go back to sleep, even for a little bit, but she refused to. "Maybe I should go talk to Alia…" she murmured, slowly getting up. Grabbing a coat, she through it on and opened her door. 

Standing in her doorway was a very distressed looking Zero. "Uh… hello?" she said, blinking. 

"Hi X," He said. He looked her in the eye for about a moment, then quickly looked down at his feet.

"There any reason for my doorway to be standing in you*? I mean, you to be standing in my doorway?" She shook her head. _I'm waaaay too tired, aren't I?_

"Huh?" He raised his eyebrows. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you."

"Okay. Yeah, sure. Do you want to come in?" She gestured behind her. He blushed.

"Uh, well, I mean, you're a girl and"

She grabbed his arm and yanked him in. "You've only been here how many times before?" she asked, shutting the door behind her. "And I've always been a girl. And don't you start telling me you've never knowingly been in a girl's apartment before. Unless you brought them all to yours." She looked him squarely in the eye. 

"Okay, so I've been in a girl's apartment before. And in yours. But it's different now. 'Cause of what I know." He sat down on one of her chairs. "I really did always think you were a guy, and treated you such. How the hell am I supposed to act around a girl? Who loves me?"

X hung her head. "I knew that was gona come up," she muttered. "Look, Zero, just forget about that. I had just tried to kill myself. I… I wasn't acting normal."

"Sooo… that letter and what you said, they both were lies?"

She sighed and sat down on the floor. "… I really can't answer that right now," she said. "I can't."

"Why?"

She glared at him. "Is that all you came here for? 'Cause you can leave if that is."

He shook his head. "Actually, I wanted to know how the hell you kept this a secret for such a long time."

"You do, huh? Well, not very interesting…"

"Yeah, right."

"Okay… guess I have nothing better to do….

"When Cain first found me, he thought I was male. My armor does that. Neways, when he reported his findings, he said I was male. When he activated me, though, he found out otherwise. Needless to say, he was rather embarrassed at the mistake he had made. He had offered to publicly announce the mistake, but I told him not too."

"Why?" Zero really seemed into the story, so X reluctantly continued.

"If the public had found out that the first ever Reploid was female, they wouldn't have accepted the idea so readily. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't told him not to." Her face darkened momentarily. "Doesn't matter now, does it? So, Cain was the only who know that I was female for a while. 

"Alia was the second person to know. When she signed on, I told Cain to tell her. Cain wouldn't be able to repair me forever and, well, it was kinda hard when you couldn't really talk to someone of your same sex. You're the third person to know."

Zero leaned back in the chair. "That's it, huh? Kinda short…"

"Yeah, well, you know everything else!"

He laughed. "Guess you're right…" his voice trailed off. "I… I came here for something else, actually."

X cocked her head. "Oh really, like what?" 

"I do want… I… I want to know if you were serious when you wrote that letter."

She jumped up and glared at him. "Why the hell is that so important to you?" she asked. He stood up too. 

"It is! Will you answer the question?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

She turned around. "Because what if that answer was no? What if it was yes? What would you do, huh?" 

"X?"

"WHAT WOULD YOU DO!" She screamed, whirling around. "The goddamn answer is yes! I meant it, I really did!" Tears slid down her face as she glared at him. 

"X?" he said again, backing up. 

"Why did you want to know that? Why?" Her angry expression faded to one of hurt and confusion.

"I… I think I love you too…" the words fell out of his mouth. 

Time froze then. She stood there, eyes wide, mouth open. "What?" she said, forcing her mouth to move. "What did you just say?"

"I"

_SLAP_

X slapped him as hard as she could. "Get… out… now…" she hissed, pointing at the door. 

"But"

"NOW!" grabbing a book, she hurled it at his head. He caught it with one hand, but took the hint. He ran from her apartment.

As soon as he left, X crumpled onto the floor and cried. _I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him!_

*o.O I've done this before.

AN: Mwahahahaha! Feeling my wrath! Evil of me to leave it like this, no? *sigh* I couldn't think of anything else… yes yes, I suppose a chapter three is needed… and probably a chapter four… As you could tell, I stopped writing this chapter half way throw it, then started again. So it's different. Hope it doesn't affect it too much… *walks off muttering*


	3. DIARY READING! WHAT FUN!

Zero stared at the door in front of him, more then slightly confused. Why had X done that? He was only saying the truth. 

_Is it the truth though, really?_ The thought was nagging him, burning into the back of his mind. Was it really the truth, or did it just seem that way? Did he really love X? He had only just found out she was female, so why this sudden feeling? Unless he had unknowingly been in love even when he thought X was male...

He shook his head. _Man, now is **not** the time to be thinking about things like that._ Sighing, he started to walk back to his own apartment when he realized he still had X's book in his hand. 

He stared at it for a few moments. It was light green with an imprinted design around the side of it. Squinting, he realized that is was a vine of some sort. There was nothing else on it.

He knew he should return the book to her and he started to turn back around when a sudden wave of anger made him stop. She was the one who had thrown the book at him. She should come and get it back! Nodding at this decision, he continued to his apartment. 

Upon arriving there, he threw the book carelessly on a counter. It fluttered open, and he could clearly see a picture of him. Frowning, he picked the photo up to get a closer look. It was from awhile ago when he and X had decided to have some fun and go downtown. He was wearing a loose black T-shirt and jeans, and was laughing in the picture. He didn't remember her ever having a camera with her, let alone taking pictures. 

_What is this book?_ Curios, he opened to the first page. There, in bold printing, were the words:

****

This Diary is the property of MegaMan X Yakasa Gamma Light

Do Not Touch

TOUCH AND DIE!!!!!!!

It was obvious that the bottom part of it had been written at a later date. Smiling slightly at that, he turned the page. There was the first entry, something short that barely covered three lines of the paper.

****

March 17, 2147 AD

Today, Cain gave me this Diary. He says that I should write in this everyday, saying what happened. I do not quite understand the purpose of this. Will I not remember all that has happened to me?

Zero cringed after reading that. _Woah, X was seriously lacking in personality back then. _Seeing that the next couple pages were of similar entries, he flipped through it until something caught his eye. 

****

September 21, 2147 AD

I WILL KILL CAIN IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO!

Zero stared at that entry for a while. There was something familiar about that date.... oh, wait. That was when Cain decided it would be good for both of them if they shared a room. He remembered that X had been really pissed, and that she had started a huge fight with Cain later that evening. He couldn't understand it at the time, but now it made sense. 

He laughed quietly to himself. X would murder him if she knew that she was reading her diary right now. He picked the diary up from the counted and carried it out into his living room, where he sat down on a large sofa. Making himself comfortable, he opened back up to the same page, and read the next entry.

****

September 22, 2147 AD

Okay, so maybe I blew up a little in the last entry. But damnit, Cain makes me sooooo mad! I mean, he knows that I can't stand that insensitive little prick! Well, okay, so he's not so little. And he is hot. BUT ALL THE MORE REASON TO MAKE SURE I STAY FAR FAR AWAY FROM HIM! And now, I'm living with him! Living with an obnoxious jerk that's hot. Oh man, if he doesn't figure out that I'm a girl before I finally get my own room back, he will easily classified as the worlds most dense ass. Shit, he's coming. g2g before he sees me writing, and wonders what this is.

Insensitive little prick? Did she call him an insensitive little prick? A jerk? That he was hot? Zero didn't know whether to be amused, angry, or afraid right at that moment. So he decided to think about something else: _her writing is horrible! I can barely read this! How did it get this bad?_ The answer was obvious, though. She had gained more personality. 

Grinning, he flipped past the next couple entries and picked one at random to read:

****

October 5, 2147 AD

Okay, some big guy upstairs is out to get me, I swear. See, I just found out who my Commander's going to be. Yeah, you guessed it. Zero. The hottie whom I'm roomed with. Who is the world's most dense guy. He practically caught me undressing, and he didn't notice anything! Dear lords! I'm rather grateful I'm flat chested, or else even dense-ass would have figured it out by now. Shit, he watching me right now. I knew I should have waited until later. Now I hafta make sure he doesn't decided to look at this... should I drool in here? Eww, that'd be gross. Well, if he does, hopefully the first few entries will just bore him to death, and make him close it. Just in case, I better put you under my mattress when he's not looking. Sigh. Crap, now he's really watching me. Should I just put you down and quit writing? Augh! He has no life! Why else would he spend fifteen minutes watching someone writing! ... he's gone now, thank god.

_I had seen her undressing? _He didn't remember that, although maybe it was the fact that he had thought she was male that made him forget. _I am not dense! ... okay, maybe I am. But I can't be that dense, can I?_ Sighing, he flipped open to another page.

****

October 24, 2147 AD

Oh no, it's happened. Commander Sigma went Maverick and.... the Mavericks, oh god! This is horrible! Vile went with him, and so did others. Even Chill Penguin followed. Chill, whom I thought was one of my best friends! No, this isn't happening, this can't be!

That entry brought horrible memories back to him. He remember X's face when she had found out what had happened. She had been so mad; she left right then and followed them. Zero had to run as fast as he could to save her sorry little ass from being destroyed by Vile. Even so, she had been badly damaged, both physically and mentally. It took him forever to convince her that it wasn't totally her fault that she had lost, and that she would get stronger, and that she should continue to fight. He hadn't really believed himself when he had said that, but she did. Or maybe she didn't, he didn't know. 

The next couple entries had been ripped out. He saw the jagged ends of the paper, and wondered what she had written. And the entry after that was so horrible mutilated that he couldn't make out a single word. All he could see was the date: the 21st of November. What had happened then that made her so upset that ruined whatever she had written? It looked like she had poured a cup of water over that page!

The 21st of November... why couldn't he remember what happened? It had to be near the end of the First Maverick war, so....

He dropped the book from his hands. He was dead. That was why. He couldn't remember what had happened because he hadn't been around when it happened. And he was what had happened. He was dead. 

He felt something warm and wet on his cheek, and he wiped it away with his hand. He was crying. _Why.... why am I crying? Because it hurts to remember, or because X cared so much? Or... both?_

Biting his lower lip, he picked the book up and turned to the next entry. 

****

November 26, 2147 AD

**The... the war with the Mavericks is over. I killed Sigma. And Chill, Spark, Sting, Flame, Launch, Storm, Boomer, and Armored.... and Zero. I killed Zero. I don't care what they say, it's my fault he's dead! I could have done something! I. Killed. Zero. I. Killed. Myself.**

He swallowed after reading that. _She wasn't lying in that letter. She really did feel like part of her died. And she really did care that much... about an insensitive prick._ He closed his eyes and felt more tears rolling down his face. _This is making me too depressed! Damn, isn't there something happy in here?_ He flipped to the middle of the diary and read the entry there. 

****

July 7, 2148 AD

I still can't believe that Zero is really back! He really is! I... man, I know I've said this before, but I can't believe it! He's alive!

Not only that, but he doesn't blame me in the slightest. I still blame myself, but atleast he doesn't blame me! Aaand, guess what! He took me out today! No, not like that. Not even close to that. I mean, he still thinks I'm a guy. But it was more to celebrate that fact that he's alive now. 

We went out to this restaurant… it was all rather fancy. Scared the crap outa me, I'm not used to stuff like that! The waitress though that we were a couple. That Zero was the girl, and I was the guy. Of course, Zero promptly straightened her out, but it was rather funny. In more then one way. I was really the girl while he was the guy! I wish we were a couple, though. But that's never going to happen. At least I can be happy with how close I am to him.

Zero smiled as he remembered that day. He had felt X was acting too depressed, so to cheer him up, he had taken her out. As he has suspected, she didn't get out much, and was totally shocked when she saw the restaurant. Which actually wasn't that fancy at all. Showed how much she knew. He flipped to another page. 

****

July 27, 2148 AD

I met Alia for the first time today. She's replacing Cain when it comes to repairing me. Guess he got too old for that. 

Neeways, I rather happy about that. Alia, well, is female. And is the only other person who knows that I am female. Which is cool, cause I can talk to her. Like a girl. Wow, that was rather redundant. But still, I'm really overly happy. Okay, so I can't express my emotion that well. Sigh. Okay, nothing else important happened today. No wait, Zero's been acting really weird lately. I'll walk into the room, and if he's been talking, he'll shut up. And if I try to talk to him, he'll either walk away or snap at me. Wonder what's eating him. 

__

Nothing in that entry sounded familiar to him. He did remember when Alia came, but she had been rather shy and withdrawn, not talking much to anyone. Too bad she wasn't like that today… Shaking his head, he flipped forward some more.

****

August 18, 2148 AD

Okay, I really, really hate that known as Sigma. Really, I do. He's died two freaking times already, and yet he's come back! And is trying to kill all of humanity again. Sigh. Really, that's a bugger. This means I have to go fight him AGAIN. And get my butt whooped AGAIN. At least Zero is here this time, and will actually help. 

_The start of the third Maverick war…_ Zero paused and put the diary down to think. The third war… he remembered that. The end of it. When he had that feeling… that he would end up destroying X somehow… Without thinking, he began to laugh. Not happy laughter, but more hysterical. _Maybe I was right. I mean, I'm destroying X right now, aren't I? Not in the sense you would think, but the same thing._

It took him a few moments to return to a semi-normal state of being. Shutting his eyes, he held his breath for a few moments, then let it out. The laughter stopped; he wished the thoughts did. Picking the book back up, he flipped around some more.

****

September 27, 2148 AD

**Wee! Today was fun. Cain decided that both me and Alia had been working to hard, so he let us have the day off. Alia then introduced me to shopping. Or what she calls real shopping. I never knew malls could be so dangerous… heehee. On a side note, I now also own three new T-shirts, a new pair of pants, and new shoes. Which I needed. I also went to a book story, and was able to get a lot more Piers Anthony novels. I dun care what Alia says, they're good! Naaaah! I also scared the crap out of some poor old ladies when I jumped from the second floor to the first. Almost landed on their heads. Wasn't my fault they were there, was it? Oh… Okay, so I did something wrong. Sue me. **

Nothing else of importance, cept Zero's a jerk again. I think dying has finally caught up to him. Heehee… My good mood can't be ruined by anything right now! Cool!

He laughed slightly. It was hard to see X shopping, even as a girl. It was even harder to imagine her all hyper. She just always seemed so… calm. Or sad. A small smile worked its way onto his face. She seemed so happy back then… not at all the way she seemed now. He flipped open to another page.

****

October 13, 2148 AD

Today was a Friday, making it Friday the 13th. Supposedly, according to human legend, this is the day for bad luck. Hell yeah, bad luck abounds. 

First thing, I woke up an hour late today. Which meant I had to run, and I mean run, to make it on time to begin the training of my unit. Then, I had forgotten something, I really can't remember what, back here, which is not even close to the training center. So I had to run all the way back here to grab. And that's when I saw her.

Iris. 

GAH! Even thinking about her makes me want to puke. Acting so innocent and nice; anyone can see that that's all just an act. And worst of all, she's pawing my guy! Zero! Okay, so maybe he thinks I'm male right now, but that will change some day! And until then, hands off! Jeeze… Then only reason Zero's probably even remotely interested is because she's the younger sister of Colonel. He might win favors through that. 

Zero blushed as he read that. Partly, that was true, although she was rather well, um, endowed. _But, that wasn't the only reason I went out with her!… was it?_ Now that he thought about, Iris had the personality of a grapefruit. Maybe that was why he had gone out with her. Blushing even more, he decided to skip waaay ahead, and read some more there. Oddly enough, most of the pages he passed were blank. 

****

February 14, 2149 AD

Today's Valentines Day. Ya know, the happy day to celebrate the one you love. Well, for me, this day is just totally screwed over. Why? Well, let me count the ways

The one I would like to be celebrating this with isn't interested in me Even if he were, he would think I'm a guy which… ewww He's interested in a snivvling little wench that He just killed so It would not be a good idea to talk to him about anything much right now. 

I mean, all he does anymore is mope. SHE WASN'T THAT SPECIAL! GAAAAAAAH! I really, really want to bash his head in about now. Grrr…

_Woah… she really didn't like Iris that much, did she?_ He sighed. X never did seem pleased when she was around, although he never noticed it, and when he did, he always brushed it off as being caused by something else. He was an ass for not noticing it. 

The next entry was dated a couple months after that one. In fact… he frowned. It was two days ago. Or maybe three, he wasn't sure. _She hadn't written for a while_.

****

May 2, 2149

… I'm falling… no one cares… I cry… they don't here… I'm lost… help me… please… help me… help me….help me….help me…

That entry chilled him more then anything else he had read. Help me… she had been desperate.. and no one had noticed. To a point, no one had cared. It made him sick to think that someone could be that alone, that lost, and no one would see it. _Yeah… and we here at the Hunters are supposed to be helping people, and yet we don't notice when one of our own is suffering_. Upset, he turned the page to see if there was anything else. To his surprise, there was one. Dated today.

I am not putting that one in again… you can re-read the second chapter… yes, I'm lazy

He came to a decision after reading that. Grabbing a pen, he quickly scrawled something in the next blank page, praying that X would read, and wouldn't just rip it out because it was from him. Grabbing his coat, he left.

Half an hour later, he was back in his own apartment, praying that she would read the note. 

AN: Kee! I was being rushed by someone whom's name I shall not mention (Becca…), so the ending may be a tad weak. Sorry! ^-^ Yes, there is a chapter 4. But no more after that! I have too many other stories I wanna write!


	4. The End

"Damnit, I know it's around here somewhere," X muttered, reaching under her bed. She had written in her diary before that... that ass had decided to come over and rub her face in her misery even more. Now, she couldn't find it, and it was starting to piss her off. 

"I had written in it; where did I put it? Damn damn damn!" Growling, she pulled herself to her feet. _Where did I put it? _She put her hands on her head as she tried to remember what she had done with it. _I had written in it, then Zero came; I put it on the table, and then talked to him, then got pissed at him and..._

"Shit!" she said out loud. "I threw it at his head!" _Damn damn of all the stupid things I could have done this is probably one of the stupidest! _

Suddenly, X felt tired. For the past 72 hours, she hadn't gotten any real sleep. And with everything that had just happened with Zero, she felt mentally tired as well as physically. Sitting on her bed, she tilted her head so it was leaning against the wall. Her eyes were burning, like she was going to cry again, but there were no tears. She felt like she couldn't cry ever again. Sighing, she closed her eyes, and within moments she was asleep. 

She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she woke again. If she had wanted, she could have checked her internal clock, but didn't feel like it. Groaning, she stood up, wincing as a sharp bolt of pain lanced through her neck. "...Ow," she complained, rubbing it. _Okay, maybe I shouldn't do that again... actually lying down would probably be better_. 

She walked over to her dresser and stared at her reflection. For what she had just gone through, she didn't look that bad... her hair, being so short, looked the same as always. Her eyes were slightly red, but that would go away soon enough. Yawning, she decided to take a shower to wake up some more.

She would have gone to the bathroom then if something hadn't caught her eye. There was something under her door. Sighing and cursing the horrible way humans had built the apartment, she bent down to pull it out.

It was her diary. X gasped and nearly dropped it. _I... I threw this at Zero, I know I did! How did it get here? ... unless..._

He returned it. "But... after I blew up at him, why would he return it?" she murmured to herself. Sighing, she went to put it back on her nightstand where it almost always was. Without thinking, though, she dropped so that it fell off the table. Cursing, she bent down and picked it up. She noticed then that one of the pages towards the back of the diary was bent_._ Frowning, she opened it up. To her surprise, there was something written there. The handwriting was horrible; she could barely read it, but after a few minutes she could understand what was written.

****

X

I have no clue whether or not you're going to read this. For all I know, you might rip this out and throw it away when you see it. I hope you don't though.

I did read some of your diary. I know I shouldn't have, but then again, you shouldn't have thrown it at my head, should you?

I think I understand why you got so pissed at me... I mean, it's obvious that you've felt this way about me for a long time. I'm questioning myself what exactly I meant when I said... you know. 

I was an ass, or as you wrote, an insensitive prick. But X, I've known you for a while now... and I don't want this to end our friendship. And good lord that is about the corniest thing I possibly could have written. 

So hey, if you really never want to talk to me again, that's... no, that's not fine by me, but I understand. 

Zero

"... You ass," she muttered, staring at the note. Within a few seconds, though, she began to smile. _My ass_, she thought, laughing a little. 

__

A Few Days Later

_Ding. _"You've got mail!" Zero glowered at the incessantly annoying email noise that had been coined far back in the 21st century. He briefly wondered how it had managed to last through out the last hundred years or so as he pulled the email up. 

It was from X.

Instantly, he began to get a funny feeling in his stomach. She hadn't talked to him for the past few days, and had gone out of her way to avoid him. The fact that she had emailed him made him nervous. _I bet she put a virus in this,_ he thought, opening it. 

****

Um... hi. Yeah, I know I've been kinda not talking to you, have I? Sorry... but I mean, what is there really to talk about. Um.. that whole, well, ya... How am I supposed to talk to you? Should I pretend nothing happened? Okay, I understand you're probably still trying to answer some of your own question... erm... I still want to talk to you, but, well, I'm going in circles here! Do you understand what I'm trying to say? I think I'm just going in a circle here...

Dispite what has happened Zero.... 

I do still love you

He grinned after reading that. _Okay, not what I thought. Quite a bit better then what I thought. Yeah._

Maybe it would all work out.

AN: Yes, it's true. This is the end of the story. No more after this. Sorry, but I mean, the first chapter was supposed to be the end, so it carried on quite a bit longer then it was supposed to. If any of you want to carry this on, go right ahead. You can use this story. It's fine by me. But, I'm sorry, this is the last of it by me. And yes, I apologize for the weak ending. But my muses were running dry for this story. 

~owari~


End file.
